The start of a new school year often comes with the season shift from warm days, cooler nights, and the leaves already starting to shift (if you are in Canada—it's already happening). A mix of emotions stir —excitement, anticipation, and more often than we admit—anxiety.
Parents Feel the Stress of Back-To-School Too
Since we are in school for so much of our foundational years often ages 3 years old to 18 years old, and those may choose to further education for an addition 3-4 years. Majority of our own lives have been belonging to a system that seasonally starts in the Fall. For many parents, those internal rhythms that we've grown accustomed too can continue on. Even if you are out of school and working there's the seasonal 'back-to-school' sensation. That inner sensations of the back-to-school transitional time, can stir up unexpected stress.
Dr. Chu-Peralta a Clinical Psychologist focusing on school-related anxiety and stress, notices that children who have back-to-school stress tend to be responding to their parents heightened emotional states, and their own anxieties with the transition (Abelian, 2024).
When Anxiety Lives in the House
You may not even notice it. But it's true. Just as through the early infant stages our children and teens are sensitive to our own reactions, emotional states, and stress in their home environment.
On the surface, the return to school promises order: earlier bedtimes, consistent routines, and predictable schedules. But structure isn’t always soothing when things have been busy throughout summer, lax schedules and longer sunshine days. For parents who grew up in homes where rules were rigid, chaotic, or unsafe, the push toward “getting back on track” can feel activating rather than grounding. This then lands on our kids who notice the flip of that switch. It would be jarring wouldn't it?
The routine changes—new schedules, bus routes, or even the sound of the morning alarm—can become activating triggers in ways that feel hard to explain especially for children. These reactions are not a sign of weakness. They are the nervous system remembering. You were a child and belonged in the school system for a very long time. And now in a sense through your child, you too are going back to school, in a different way.
Easing into the School Year: A How-To Approach
Parents of young children, particularly those experiencing postpartum anxiety, often find the school year shift especially overwhelming. The pressure to “do it all” while managing sleepless nights, childcare logistics, and emotional recovery can feel crushing. Even small transitions like packing a lunch, laying out clothes, getting the kids ready and out the door, to waving goodbye at the classroom door—can spike a lot of anxiety.
You are not alone if this resonates with you and here's how we can address the transitional stress in you so that it creates a more relaxed environment for your kids.
1. Recognize Your Own Anxiety & Stress
This may seem simple but it's true. Take a quick inventory to notice how you feel as you think of all the things you as a parent have to do to get the kids ready to go back to school.
An ache in the chest? Tightness? Heavy shoulders? Stress can be worn like a backpack and school hasn't even happened yet.
2. Breaking Things Down (Spread it Out!)
One thing that anxiety sufferers and just making transitions to adjust to is that it seems like a big leap. Helping to break things down and up throughout the coming days—not everything has to be done all at once!
This helps foster conversations as mini-trips to the store can help get kids excited for learning, while not overwhelming. Having small simple tasks with other fun things to do in the day helps encourage a more open, supportive dialogue to address worry as you manage your own (Abelian, 2024).
3. Whose Experience is This?
As parents and those who tend to carry more of the mental load tend to overload and exhaust ourselves. A part of us expecting to get everything done all at once. But once we break things down we can zoom out and see that this is your child's experience and not yours. Sometimes our expectations can impact your child's new experiences. They've never done this grade before—it's their first time! Slow down and help them live their experience of school. Their experience is entirely different from yours! So let them have their experience and guide where you need to. Less is more in this case!
4. Regulate You & Your Kids
When children are in their school age years they tend to struggle with their own self-regulation of their emotions. As a parent we are entirely responsible for supporting their ability to slow down, breathe and find grounded calm as things start to change.
Helping yourself to breathe first and showing them is such an important first step. Then include them. Bring some comfort for you and for them. Soft blankets, stuffy or pillow can help to soothe ourselves. (Hey, we were kids once!) We all need comfort don't deny you or your child from that! As adults we need it so much more.
Trauma-Informed Coping Strategies
You cannot control the school calendar, but you can care for your nervous system as you move through it. A trauma-informed approach to coping includes:
- Name what’s happening. Remind yourself that your body may be responding to past stress, not present danger.
- Create micro-routines. Instead of trying to perfect the entire day, choose one or two anchor points (morning coffee, an evening walk) that bring predictability.
- Lower the bar. Some days the win is simply getting everyone out the door. That is enough.
- Build regulation breaks. Grounding exercises, deep breaths, or even a quiet five minutes in the car before pick-up can reset your nervous system.
- Seek support. Talking with a trauma-informed therapist can help you untangle the ways old wounds resurface during life transitions.
Moving Through the Shift with Compassion: Be Resilient!
Back-to-school season highlights how layered parenthood can be: you are caring for your children, but also for the parts of yourself that carry old hurts. The structure of a new school year doesn’t have to mean rigidity or reactivation. Sometimes old parts that hold what happened in your own school experiences start to creep in. Our brains are meant for survival and so we want to protect our children from those same experiences. But that part is stuck in a moment in time that isn't right now; and your child is going to have lots of new experiences.
With gentle awareness, support, and self-compassion, you can navigate this shift in a way that honors both your past and your present, and being able to hold your child's experiences anew.
If this season feels heavy for you, know that support is available. Therapy can help you unpack the roots of your stress, manage postpartum anxiety, and build strategies for handling the trauma triggers in routine changes that are part of family life.
References Used
Abelian, N. (2024). Back to school jitters: Effective strategies for supporting your child. NY Wire. Retrieved [August 18, 2025], from https://nywire.com/back-to-school-jitters-effective-strategies-for-supporting-your-child/
Evidence-Based Model To Approach Transitions & Activating Responses
Somatic EMDR, IFS Parts Work, ACT
This article is for psychoeducational purposes to support your inner world and curiosities. This article is not a replacement for psychotherapy or counseling support. If you notice that these things are happening for you and finding it difficult to apply to yourself, please seek out professional support. At Mindful Steps Therapy we aim to meet you where you are at and we support parents as they support their children. To connect click the button below!
